Out of Bounds

They had a house. They could move, and soon. Kippei felt incredibly, immensely relieved by this… he was surprised, in fact, at how relieved he was. It left him feeling suddenly tired, in a good sort of way, as if he could relax now and rest. Sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping well for awhile, especially not lately. Since his fight with Shinji–if you could call it that. It hadn’t been a fight, not really, but it had been bad enough.

They were all feeling good, happy and pleased as they came back from looking at the house, and Akira had wanted to start figuring out the budget immediately, how they were going to do this, how they were going to afford it. Kippei had told him not to worry about it for now, Ibu-san would help them actually buy it and they could work out an arrangement with him later. But Akira was stubborn and Kippei thought maybe this was one way that he liked showing his enthusiasm about the house… it made him feel better to be actually doing something. Amused, Kippei let him do it, and left Shinji to try to talk him out of it on the grounds that it was boring.

He went to bed early that night, feeling worn out and like he could sleep for a week. He barely woke when Shinji and Akira came in later, noting only that they were there and everything was as it should be before he fell asleep again. It was very late that night when he woke up again, feeling tense. Damn, not that dream again. It was okay now…Shinji had said…he lay still for a moment, remembering what Shinji had written in his journal, letting it sink in. It was okay. They were okay. But he reached out anyway, wanting to reassure himself that Shinji was still here and Kippei could hold him.

Something moved and Shinji curled tighter, snatching at the blanket as if someone might take it away. But then something touched his hair and he settled, sighing a little, because it was nice and soothing and relaxing and he had talked Aki into coming to bed and not being boring anymore so everything was fine. So…wait. Frowning, disgruntled, Shinji forced himself to wake up a little more. Kippei was doing his check up on them in their sleep thing, he could feel it. Turning over, Shinji blearily pushed himself up onto his elbow and pushed a hand against Kippei’s shoulder to haul himself the rest of the way up, yawning and collapsing against Kippei instead of the bed.

“I love you…but your dreams have sucky timing, mine was just getting good, but I think that was only because you were awake and were playing with my hair and that made it good so it wasn’t really the dream that was good anyway, it was the real thing, so I dont really mind…”

Kippei chuckled softly, threading his fingers into Shinji’s hair and pulling him close. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Wouldn’t want to interrupt a good dream.” But Shinji didn’t mind, and he was warm and snuggly when he was half asleep, which was… really good, right now. Kippei wrapped his arms around him and just breathed, holding him, letting the memory of the dream fade away. Shinji wasn’t going to tell him to leave, and Kippei hadn’t really hurt him…not like that.

“Mmm…” Kippei was all warm and willing to stay in bed and that was too good a change to pass up, so Shinji shifted until he was more tangled around him and could feel warm skin all over and then leant up to kiss the corner of Kippei’s mouth. “I like interrupting your bad ones.” Because it had become obvious while moving that Kippei’s heartbeat was too fast, as if he had woken from a bad dream, and since that was really the only logical explaination, Shinji knew it was right. “‘M right here, Kippei.”

Kippei smiled in the darkness and brushed his own kiss on Shinji’s lips. “I’m glad.” So very glad. “I like you interrupting them too.” Especially when Shinji wrapped around him like that and Kippei could feel him, just everywhere, real and solid and there, and… loving him. “I love you too,” he whispered. There was so much he wanted to say…so much he could tell Shinji about how much he loved him and how sorry he was and how much he wished it had never happened and that it was never going to happen again–but Shinji had been right, they didn’t really need to talk about it. They knew. Still… it’s never going to happen again, because I won’t let it.

He hadn’t said I love you, but Kippei knew and said it back anyway and that more than anything made Shinji smile and feel warm, but the smile faded a little when he looked at Kippei’s face. “You look sad, Kippei. What were you dreaming about?” Shinji thought he might know, or at least have some idea, but there was no way to be sure, so he just lay there and waited. Kippei would tell him…hopefully. And if not, Shinji would nibble it out of him. Simple. Good plan.

Kippei took a deep breath, willing himself not to tense up again. “I…it’s not important. Just a dream.” He was not going to tell Shinji about that dream, not this time. He suppressed a shudder, with some effort. It hadn’t happened, and it wasn’t going to happen, and it was better not to think about it.

He changed the subject slightly, something else that he did want to make sure Shinji knew. “You know I’m not angry with you, right?” he asked softly. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad… I never would have been angry with you if I had been thinking clearly. I would have known that… you didn’t know, and you weren’t thinking. I wouldn’t have been mad. I still wouldn’t have liked it–I don’t like him, and I don’t want him around my sister. But I wouldn’t have been angry with you about it. And I would have realized that she probably wouldn’t want to go out with him anyway, so… it shouldn’t have mattered. I just… I couldn’t think and I was so frustrated.” He sighed, and murmured, “I should have told you. I should have told you why.”

Shinji listened and shook his head a little. It was important, because it had woken Kippei and that was very very important, at least to Shinji. But Kippei wasn’t all that good at changing the topic. Still, Shinji wondered what Kippei’s dream had been about, if he was thinking about that. He let his fingers trail down Kippei’s chest, just brushing against smooth skin lightly, up and down, letting the rhythm of it get his brain functioning.

“I know.” Kippei was not the same person he was when he was drunk and angry, not now. Not when they were just together, like normal, in bed, half asleep…Shinji smiled, because it was a damn good reality. “I know, I knew then…that’s why I stayed. You didn’t…mean it.” And yet he had. Kippei had meant it, at the time. But not after, and that was what mattered. At least to Shinji.

“But it was still my fault,” Shinji said softly and he stared at his arm where it rested on Kippei’s chest, glaring at it in the dark. “You would have been thinking clearly, and you would have understood, if it wasn’t for me. I did it to myself.” All over again. Only Kippei had someone become his blade. That was not a comforting thought and he held on a little tighter, as if Kippei might suddenly get up and leave, or push him out of the bed, or anything at all that would hurt. But Kippei wasn’t like that and he knew it.

“Oh, Shinji….” Kippei sighed, turning towards him a little more and wrapping himself more securely around him, as if there was some kind of comfort, some kind of assurance…some kind of truth in the way Shinji fit against him and with him and inside him, just perfectly. As if there were some kind of division in Shinji’s words, and he could only deny it by holding him as tight and close as possible. Warm, safe, skin on skin pressed tightly together, and he could feel Shinji breathing against him, feel his heartbeat, hear the soft sleeping sounds of the three of them in the middle of the night. This was true… this was the only thing.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he murmured from where his face was pressed against Shinji’s neck, half hidden in his hair. “You didn’t know, you couldn’t have known…. it wasn’t your fault. You….” He paused, searching for the right words, trying speak Shinji’s language. “I know, I knew then that you didn’t mean it.” He wasn’t quite sure if he was saying it right–it didn’t make sense to him, at any rate, but….it felt like what he wanted to say. Maybe it was the same, to Shinji.

It didn’t matter somehow. None of it mattered when he was with Kippei, just like this, and Kippei didn’t need to tell him but he did and it meant more than he could ever know because Shinji didn’t quite comprehend it himself. He just smiled and let his fingers trail up Kippei’s spine, up his neck and into the long hair now falling there. Sometimes he just wanted to wrap Kippei up in cotton candy and eat him…or put him back in his pocket for later, either way someowhere warm, and sweet where nothing could happen to him, especially lately. Lately Kippei had been hurting too much and Shinji would do anything to make it stop.

“Hey Ki-kun…want an i.o.u?”

He could hear the smile in Shinji’s voice, and that was good enough. Shinji was smiling. Kippei let the slim fingers running up his back whisper things like peace and comfort, sinking in through his skin and soothing all the little worries and aches, both physical and emotional. He was glad his hair was longer now, glad that Shinji liked to run his fingers through it because it felt so damn good. He felt like purring, or something silly like that, like a big cat that was only tame at Shinji’s hands.

“Mmm,” he hummed contentedly, and chuckled quietly when Shinji spoke, slightly amused by the words but mostly just glad to hear the happiness in Shinji’s voice. “What for?”

“For whatever you want, right when you want it most. I’ll give you anything at all, you just have to ask and say its your i.o.u, and then when you’ve used it I’ll wait til you deserve another one and give you another one, but only when you deserve it…” Shinji wasn’t sure what Kippei would ever want him to do, but it was sort of like asking Aki what his dreams were; a way for Kippei to tell him, without telling really. Shinji liked that idea. And it would be fun…as long as Kippei didn’t ask him to clean up the mess his stupid dog left around.

“Anything at all? And I can use it now if I want?” Kippei leaned back and studied him, still somewhat amused but feeling warm inside, because Shinji wanted to give him anything he wanted. “What if I already have everything I want?” he mused. Really… Shinji in his arms with Akira sleeping on the other side and what more did he need? He had everything. They were all safe and happy and they were going to move, and Kippei couldn’t think of a single thing he wanted, more than what he had now.

“Even now…but if you have everything that you want then you should save it and use it when you have everything but want one thing more on top of everything. Because there is more after everything, because its for forever, so later you can have an i.o.u, when you want it.” Shinji liked that idea a great deal; something just for Kippei since getting him drunk just wasnt a good idea, unlike getting Aki drunk.

“Hmm…its nice…” Kippei’s heart had calmed and everything seemed quiet suddenly, so quiet Shinji was reluctant to speak in anything but a vague whisper. “It’s gonna be nicer in our own house. Can we have your bed in our house? The really big one?” They had left it at Kippei’s parents house and were technically still sleeping in Mori’s bed and that was just…not right at all. It made Shinji nervous.

Kippei still wasn’t sure why Shinji felt like he owed him anything, but okay, if Shinji was just going to give him something he could go with that. He was feeling lazy and relaxed and half asleep again, so he didn’t really feel like thinking too hard about it.

“It is nice,” he murmured. “And you can have anything you want.” Maybe he was a little too far asleep, if he was saying things like that, things he maybe couldn’t actually do, like promising Shinji anything he wanted. That was kind of dangerous, or something. But it wasn’t like Kippei wouldn’t always want to give him everything anyway, so it didn’t matter. Right.

“I dont want anything….yet.” Shinji smirked, already having the feeling Kippei knew he shouldn’t have said ‘anything’ since anything encompassed a rather large arena of things, but he had said it and Shinji would remember. And hopefully Kippei would remember he had the same thing and not let things get so bad that he yelled at people; it was easier just to talk things through.

“Is it really okay? That you don’t like him but I do? Is that really okay with you?”

Kippei was quiet for a bit, just breathing. That was a hard question when he was half asleep. He thought, vaguely, that if Shinji wanted him to say things he wouldn’t normally say, wanted him to let go and let his guard down, all he really had to do was wait until times like now, when he was too tired to worry about it and too relaxed from Shinji being draped all over him to care. If there was kissing first, he’d definitely be too far gone to watch what he was saying. But he was trying to actually think about his answer this time, because it had sounded like an important question, and Shinji deserved an honest answer.

Was it okay? He only had to remember Shinji’s reasons for liking the guy, to know the answer.

“It’s okay,” he said murmured in sleepy reassurance. “I don’t like him but I don’t….think…he’ll hurt you.” Ah yeah, he hadn’t meant to say that much, quite that way. Too damn out of it. He snorted mentally. He was never getting drunk again, not like that, but apparently he didn’t have to. “You like him,” he heard himself mumbling, “and I think…he’s…good for you.” Ouch. God damn it. He winced slightly, too tired to flinch properly. Okay, that was way more than he had wanted to admit. Shutting up now. “S’okay, lover,” he repeated with as much finality as he could muster in his current state, nuzzling Shinji’s temple in a drowsy fashion. Mmm, Shinji smelled good.

It was a relief. A small one, but a relief all that same. Kippei didnt like Akutsu but Shinji thought maybe he could live with that, as long as he didn’t mind that Shinji did, which he said he didn’t which wasn’t the be all and end of it when it came to Kippei but he was still pretty sleepy so maybe he meant it. Good for you, after all, was definately not something Kippei would have admitted at any other time. Besides, Shinji couldn’t be bothered arguing to find out if it was the truth when Kippei was nuzzling like that, like the giant house cat he was and it was so. damn. cute! Gah. Shinji glanced at the framed picture of him kissing Kippei when he was asleep that day at the library. He couldn’t really see it in the dark, but he knew it was there and what it looked like and Kippei was just adorable…and Shinji adored him. Plain and simple.

“Why?” He blinked. He wasn’t sure what he was asking, nor why! What the hell was that and why had it come out of his mouth? But he knew a lot of whys he wanted answers for, and maybe Kippei had the answers. He defiantely had some of them. Why do you always say its okay? Why dont you like him? Why am I like this? Why did I do it when I had this? Why does he make it feel different? Why is that good for me? Why do you love me? Why why why…why so many whys?

Oh, he did have to ask why. Kippei groaned softly and leaned his head back against the pillow, trying to wake up enough to remember what exactly he’d said, let alone why. Something about Akutsu? Why was it okay? Well Kippei had just told him that… why did Kippei think he was good for him? Probably that. Had he really said that out loud? Damn. He sighed, remembering the soft sound of Shinji’s voice explaining why he liked Akutsu, and more vaguely, the earlier angry words defending him. God, he really hated it that Shinji liked him. But that wasn’t nearly as important as the fact that he made Shinji feel like his scars didn’t matter.

Kippei wanted Shinji to believe that, wanted him to know that, because it was true. They didn’t matter. But Shinji didn’t feel that way around him. Kippei hated that, too. Why was it Akutsu that could make Shinji feel that way? Why, no matter what he said, could he not convince Shinji of that himself?

“Because…” he closed his eyes, just laying back and not looking at Shinji because this was so hard to admit, and it hurt, a lot–but it wasn’t Shinji’s fault. It was just the way it was, apparently. He took a deep breath, slowing his heart and centering himself, not wanting Shinji to pick up on that feeling. It didn’t matter… Shinji did. “Because he can give you something I can’t.” And at least someone can. I would never take that away from you, just because it wasn’t me who gave it.

Kippei tried really hard sometimes to hide what he was feeling but Shinji was beginning to realise just how bad he was at it. It had hurt, just to say that, maybe to have to admit it, and Shinji felt bad, immediately, for asking. He thought about it again, and he thought about when Kippei had been mad even though he didnt want to and he thought about what to say carefully.

“Aku cares…in his own way, but…he’s my friend. That’s all. He can give me that because…he’s just my friend. I think I annoy him a lot of the time, but I think he needs to be annoyed, so maybe I can give him something too. But…” God it was hard to explain and Shinji wasn’t sure there was a good way to say it and was sure he would get it wrong.

“It’s not the same because I dont want it to matter to Akutsu…I dont want to look good for him, or be what he wants me to be. I’m just me, wether he likes it or not. But…I want to be more than me, sometimes, for you and Aki…and I know you say I can just be me and thats just the way it should be, but you’re the same right? You wish sometimes that you could be better somehow, or do more, or say more, or feel more or be more…anything just to be more.” Shinji reached around until he found Kippei’s hand and he put it over his scars, flinching at the too smooth texture of the lines there. “Every time I want that, I feel this, and it feels like less.” I feel like less.

It wasnt something Shinji found easy to admit, but it was one of those truths Kippei always seemed to be asking for. He wanted to be the prodigy, for Kippei and Aki, yet they were the only people he couldn’t seem to be that for. He couldn’t be any more, he could only go backward.

Kippei took a long breath, and then another, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, the one that wasn’t wrapped in Shinji’s hair, because they hurt suddenly. He could hear the words that Shinji didn’t say, the ones he couldn’t do anything about. Shinji was right, Kippei did know what he meant… wanting to be more, do more, be better for the two who were so important to him. Feeling like he could never be good enough to be what they deserved. And he couldn’t fault Shinji for feeling that way when he felt the same way himself. But it still made him ache to hear it, and he didn’t know what to say, what he could say that would make a difference.

“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered, mostly to himself. “It doesn’t. It doesn’t make you any more, or any less. It doesn’t matter.” It shouldn’t, right? He kept saying that, so why couldn’t he make it true? Why didn’t it… feel true? He ran his hand gently up and down Shinji’s arm, tracing those scars. Feeling them, feeling what they meant. And he realized suddenly, with a strength of emotion that surprised him, that it wasn’t true. He was wrong. They did matter. They mattered to him. But not the way that Shinji thought they did.

“I…you’re right,” he said finally. “It’s not the same. They don’t matter to him because they don’t mean anything to him. But I… they do matter. To me, they do.” He didn’t know how to explain, how to say what he was feeling, but he held tightly onto Shinji’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the scars on his wrist, not letting him pull away until he could try to say what he meant.

“I love them, Shinji. I love those scars. They mean that you’re still here. That even that…can heal. It leaves a mark, but it doesn’t win. It doesn’t beat you. They remind me every day just how strong you are, how important you are to me, just how much I would be losing if… if I lost you. They make me want to kiss the hell out of you, to hold you tight and never let you go, to tell you over and over that I love you and need you and never want you to hurt that much again… never want you to leave.”

He hesitated, and then softly, he added the last, the one biggest reason he loved them. He wasn’t sure if Shinji would understand this last point, because it seemed somehow selfish, maybe wrong to feel this way, to feel so fiercely glad for something like that. “And I love them because it makes me believe that maybe there is really nothing that can take you away from me. Not even that.”

Wide-eyed, Shinji just stared at Kippei in the dark. He felt too warm, and he knew he was blushing and was so glad for the darkness, but he felt so warm at the same time, so safe and so…not alone. Like he was never going to be alone again. Not like that day; never like that, ever again. He touched the healed skin and then sighed, realising he had been holding his breath and his lips curved upward because somehow, when Kippei touched them like that, they didn’t feel weird or ugly. He loved them. Loved him.

Shinji wanted to tell Kippei that he wasn’t strong, nowhere near as strong as Kippei, or Aki, but it seemed wrong somehow, to disagree. He always wanted to listen to Kippei and believe him, so he didn’t argue, just listened and remembered so that later he could believe it, just like he said he always would. It was soothing, somehow, and Shinji wondered if Kippei didnt need to hear those things too; if maybe they all didn’t say it enough, so he shifted until they were nose to nose and he could support himself over Kippei and he leant down to kiss him, just like Kippei had said; kiss the hell out of him, and he smiled.

“I love you, and I need you, and I never want you to hurt that much again and I never want you to leave. Ever.”

Kippei was barely breathing, listening for every shift in Shinji’s movement, waiting to see if he’d said the right thing, or something that once again, didn’t help at all, or if he’d just made it all worse. When Shinji sighed he let himself relax slightly–it sounded more like relief than anything, sounded…happy. He must have said something right. He was about to ask, wanting to know for sure, when Shinji moved, leaning over him and kissing him, just like that. Oh god yes. Like that.

Kippei wrapped his fingers more securely in Shinji’s hair and kissed him back, with all the intensity of emotions he couldn’t put into words right now. Somehow, that kiss said more than anything that Shinji understood, that it mattered. But then Shinji smiled… the smile Kippei loved, the one he saw so rarely. Hearing his words echoed back at him made him feel…odd. Unexpectedly warm, and it ached somehow in an entirely good way…like it soothed a sore place he hadn’t known was there. He smiled back, and pulled Shinji down to kiss him again.

“I never will.”

Kissing Kippei was always hot and distracting, but Shinji didn’t mind, letting himself be distracted because it was the middle of the night and nothing else mattered so he could afford to be distracted as much as he wanted. But those words were still in his head; Kippei’s voice saying it over and over and Shinji was starting to put more of the tiny pieces of a very large puzzle together and it just made him kiss Kippei more. Always more.

“Ki-kun…even if…” As if, but. “Even if one day…I go completely nuts, because I would have to be nuts and not me at all, but even if that happens and I tell you I dont want it anymore and that I want you to leave? I dont mean it. I wont mean that, not ever. Maybe one day I’ll be mad and say it, but dont do it just because I say it. Dont do anything just because I say it, because I say lots of stuff and even Aki says most of its stupid, and that would be a really stupid thing to say, so never go…just tell me I’m being stupid and kiss me …just like now.” He smiled and kissed Kippei again and it seemed better somehow, like maybe he had fixed something, or reaffirmed something, or anything. Just better somehow.

Kippei went still, studying Shinji in the darkness, wondering if he had any idea what he’d just said. “Shin–” he began, and his voice cracked; he cleared his throat and tried again. “Shinji. I…if you…” God, that damn dream.

“I dreamed that you did,” he found himself saying, a low murmur that hurt on the way out, but he was too shocked that he had even said it to notice how broken his voice was.

Startled, Shinji just blinked at Kippei, realising he had already known on some level; that Kippei’s fears had taken what had happened and twisted it into something else. Kippei knew it was just a dream, but Shinji didn’t like that that dream existed. Didn’t like it at all.

“I didnt say that Kippei, and if I had I would never have meant it!” Something was making Shinji angry but there was nothing to yell at, nothing to hit and he settled for holding on to Kippei tighter, as if he might suddenly get up and walk away. “I didnt say it! Stop….stop hurting yourself.”

“Would you though?” Kippei insisted, somehow needing Shinji to understand, needing him to see. “If I…if I hadn’t just yelled at you… if I had…” He stopped, stroking his hand in mindless circles on Shinji’s back, not sure who he was trying to reassure with it but feeling the need to do it anyway. “If I had hit you,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t, I never would…god, I couldn’t do that. But I dreamed… I dreamed that I did. And you…. you asked me to leave. Just go away because you didn’t want to see me anymore.” He took a deep breath and let it out, slowly. “If I did something like that, if I really hurt you, and you really wanted me to leave… that would just kill me. I never want to leave you, I’d die if I did. But if you wanted me to… I would.” Because I can’t stand to be there when you look at me like that. Like you don’t want me there, like I’m going to hurt you. It makes me bleed inside.

If Kippei had…what? Shinji flinched just at the thought and he denied it, wholeheartedly, completely, but then a small part of himself started nagging in the back of his mind and he had to know, despite the fact it was the last thing he ever wanted to hear. But before that, he had to make sure Kippei understood…not that Shinji was sure he understood himself.

“I wouldn’t. Not even then. I wouldnt mean it. I wouldn’t ask.” Because it would be the same as killing Kippei. He wasnt sure what he would do. Hit Kippei? Hurt him? Probably. But ask him to leave? No. He was quiet a moment.

“Were you going to?” Were you going to hit me?

“No!” The answer was immediate, and fierce. Was he going to? God, no, it hadn’t even crossed his mind, not even at the time when he’d been angry and not thinking, he’d never come close to doing that. “No, never. I wouldn’t, not ever, I couldn’t…” Please, god, tell me I couldn’t. Kippei didn’t think he could, couldn’t imagine doing that even if he was truly angry, ever. But he hadn’t thought he could yell at Shinji either, not like that. And he’d been wrong. He couldn’t have been that wrong, though, surely…. he buried his face in Shinji’s hair and held him tight, but he could still feel the way his hands were shaking.

He responded so quickly, so completely, that Shinji just smiled and kissed Kippei’s temple, rubbing his hand soothingly back and forward across Kippei’s stomach.

“Then stop worrying about it.” Shinji snatched up a long lock of hair and moved back so he could brush it across Kippei’s nose, distracting. Wanting to make Kippei laugh, or smile, or just forget. Whatever he could get.

“You’re so obsessed with your hair, Buchou…You should take better care of it. You haven’t brushed it even once this week, that’s really not nice you know.”

Stop worrying… Kippei almost laughed, because he always worried and Shinji knew it…but maybe, maybe he really didn’t have to worry about this. The warm hand felt good, stroking quietly, making him relax almost in spite of himself and he sighed, letting go of the fear again…he didn’t need it. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream, and it would never happen. He knew that, and when Shinji smiled at him and dismissed it like that, somehow it was easier to believe it. And then Shinji was teasing him and he did laugh, a slightly rough, unsteady sound but it was a laugh; because it was Shinji, and Shinji was amazing and perfect, and he couldn’t help feeling happy when Shinji so clearly wanted him to.

“I should,” he agreed, smiling. “Wake me up early in the morning?”

“No,” Shinji disagreed immediately. “I want to sleep in in the morning and since you’ve kept me awake tonight you’re going to stay in bed until I wake up, and then we’re going to do other stuff, with Aki, to make sure we get so sweaty and icky that we have to have a really long shower, and then I’ll get Aki to wash my hair and then you can brush it, and then you’ll have to brush it later while its drying so it doesn’t get lots of kinks in it, and then again once its dry so you can braid it and get it out of my face. Hmm….that’s going to take a while.” Shinji pretended to think about it for a bit then shook his head.

“No, there’s no real alternative. You’re just going to have to spend the whole day with me, to make up for your negligence.”

Kippei laughed again, a clear, quiet sound without any shadows. Like he wanted an alternative to that. It sounded just…perfect, and he didn’t want anything else. Unless maybe there was tennis involved at some point. He would have to see about that later.

“I can do that,” he said simply, smiling as he ran his fingers through the soft strands, brushing it back and down Shinji’s back, a peaceful, soothing motion. “I love you,” he whispered, as if it were a secret, or something both huge and important, and slightly scary; and maybe it was.

Laughter, clean and sharp and right by his ear and Shinji smiled just to hear it. He would never get tired of listening to Kippei, of that he was certain. He loved that Kippei liked the idea; that he seemed to welcome it. That he wanted to, even though Shinji was perhaps being a little pushy about it.

“I love you too.” It was like they were sharing a mystery, something no one else was privy to and it made it all the more special. Shinji felt like laughing, but he didnt want to wake Aki and knew if he started he wouldn’t stop.

“Hey Ki-kun…guess what!” He didn’t wait for an answer, licking Kippei’s cheek. “We have a home.”

“Yes, we do,” Kippei answered contentedly, because he felt better, even while they were still staying in this house, knowing that they had somewhere else to go–somewhere else they belonged. “Tease,” he muttered when Shinji licked him, but a smile lurked at the corner of his mouth. He turned his head, pulling Shinji back down and catching his lips for more satisfying kiss. Much better.

“Always, Buchou,” Shinji mumbled against Kippei’s lips and he would have said more, but kissing Kippei came first on his personal list of priorities and it took a while to do that right and then he forgot what he was going to say and settled for kissing him more. He pulled back reluctantly, but deliberately, frowning.

“Sex in the morning when Akira wakes up and not now, look who’s a tease its you and not me, we should buy a collar for you…actually, you would look really sexy with a collar on…and we could engrave mine and Aki’s names on it…and a contact number just in case someone finds you and doesn’t know what to do when you glare at them.”

Kippei arched an eyebrow at him, slightly amused. Sexy? That was… he shook his head. Weird. He couldn’t imagine himself like that, but Shinji obviously liked his mental images. Well, now that he thought about it… “Try that, and I will buy a leash for you,” he promised.

“Hmm…but I already follow you around all over the place, what do you need a leash on me for? Unless I attach my leash to your collar and I lead you around…hmm, that could be fun.” And Shinji knew perfectly well that was not what Kippei had meant but that was also entirely not the point. He was very tempted…if Kippei didn’t like it, he could always give it to the dog…though the dog was…so not sexy, or even cute or anything. Drool. Ew.

“I don’t think so…” Kippei shook his head again, really amused now. “I belong to you, with you, and you belong to me. We don’t need collars or leashes to make it more true.” He already felt like he was tied to Shinji by something much stronger than any physical tether could be. If they needed a physical bond, too, well…he could think of things much more fun for that.

“‘M just kidding you know,” Shinji murmered, pulling the blanket closer and burrowing down deeper under it, tugging Kippei down with him a little. “You’re not gonna have any more stupid dreams, right? Just good ones? Coz I’m tired and want to go back to sleep and have good dreams about we can do tomorrow since I get to have my own personal Kippei hair-slave for the day, you agreed to it so you cant go back on your word. Well…unless you used you i.o.u but that wouldn’t be right really, you’re supposed to use that when you want something not when you dont want something…”

Shinji trailed off and let his eyes close as he yawned. “That you.”

Kippei chuckled and pulled Shinji closer, snuggling him under the blankets as his voice got slower and sleepier. Of course he wasn’t going back on his word. He wouldn’t, even if he wanted to–but why wouldn’t he want to spend all day playing with Shinji’s hair? It made a slow lazy heat stir inside him just thinking about it, and he smiled to himself. And yes, he could go back to sleep now, with Shinji in his arms and Akira warm on the other side of him.

“Only good ones,” he agreed, sounding sleepy himself as he kissed Shinji’s forehead. “That you, always.” He shifted, taking Shinji with him as he moved until he could feel Akira’s back pressed against his own. They had a home now, which was good, and he couldn’t wait to move and get out of this house to someplace that felt comfortable and safe–but more importantly, he had a home, and it was right here between them. That was always true, no matter where they lived.

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